Lesson 4: A group is never a crowd if it has an even number of people
by thirteenchrysanthemums
Summary: Nobume learns that surprise guests aren't always unwelcome.


**I owe you guys an apology. My "Lessons" are confusing and it's cruel of me to leave you to understand my fics when I myself haven't made them clear.**

 **I'm really sorry for confusing you. Thank you for your patience with me.**

 **Lesson 4 is set anytime after the Baragaki arc and before the Farewell Shinsengumi arc.**

 **Without further ado I give you Lesson 4.**

* * *

 _-beep beep-_

She sighs, glaring at the offending object in her left hand. Acknowledging the noise would encourage him to send her more. Like a child he needs proper conditioning. Giving him attention this way would most certainly feed into his unhealthy obsession.

 _-beep beep-_

She sighs again, resisting the urge to slice it into shreds. _That_ would encourage him to buy her another one. Rolling her eyes in annoyance she wonders why his toys have to be so expensive. Why couldn't he have an obsession for cheaper things like-

 _-beep beep-_

Without further hesitation the girl tosses the device into the air, reaching for the katana on her right hip. A hand on her shoulder stops her before she can unsheathe her blade.

"Nobume, that is not how an elite officer behaves."

Releasing her hold on her sword, Nobume masks her annoyance with an expression of cool indifference. In the blink of an eye she catches the phone and turns to face her superior.

"You have an assignment today." The sunlight casts an ominous glint in the man's monocle. "NobuNobu-sama wants to borrow something of importance from his enemy." His gaze drift from his subordinate's face to the object in her hand, wordlessly inducing her to check its contents.

Flipping the phone open the Vice Captain stiffens, eyes greeted by the sight of a face too familiar for comfort. How long has it been since she last saw that girl — no, that _young lady_ — face in person? Images of sleepovers, plotted murders and vermillion locks fleet through her mind. Those were the good days, weren't they?

Before her emotions get the better of her, she steels her resolve. Despite having been on friendly terms with the princess an order is an order, and Nobume knows better than to defy her orders.

Yesterday Tokugawa Soyo was her friend, today she is her kidnap target.

No word of protest leaves her mouth but Isaburo can feel the tension rolling off of her in waves. Choosing to ignore it however, he turns his back to her.

"See to it that it is done efficiently."

She watches him walk away, interpreting his last words as a reminder of her loyalty to the Mimawarigumi, to _him_ , over anything and everything else including personal affairs. A part of her regrets becoming familiar to people outside her work (and by familiar she means that if she is assigned to slaughter everyone in Edo, these people would be at either ends of her priority list).

An assassin should never hesitate to perform assassinations. Yet here she is in mild turmoil over a mere abduction mission.

It is _just_ a kidnapping right? They weren't going to torture her or anything of the sort…are they?

She shakes the thought out of her head. Whatever they do with Soyo afterwards is none of her concern.

 _-beep beep-_

The sound of a notification breaks her from her reverie.

 _'Remember Nobutasu, we elite do not stoop so low as to harm little children. It is only polite to return what we borrow undamaged._

 _G2G._

 _\- Sabu-chan.'_

She releases a breath she doesn't realise she's been holding.

* * *

The clock strikes four when Nobume slips into the palace grounds undetected. It's laughable how little effort she needed to get past the Shogun's guards but since Nobume isn't one to laugh, she allows a dark smirk to grace her features instead.

 _These_ are the people entrusted with protecting the most influential man in Edo? Pathetic.

Giggles of delight alert her to the target's location. With measured, inaudible steps she paces down the colossal corridor towards the garden — the source of the noise — only to pause mid-step at what she sees.

Swiftly, Nobume walks backwards until her figure is completely shielded by one of the many massive pillars carrying the castle's magnificent structure. When absolutely certain she remains unnoticed by the garden's occupants, the assassin pokes her head around the pillar to assess the situation.

Tokugawa Soyo is not alone.

Nobume has no qualms about dealing with human interferences - the more the merrier (for her at least). However, in this case it is not so much the quantity of the princess's companions but rather the _quality_ that puts her on edge. There is only one person around Soyo Hime at this very moment, yet her sole companion provides all the protection she could possibly need.

There's no doubt that quality reigns over quantity, especially when a Yato is involved.

Staring intently at the back of Kagura's head, Nobume plots the best way to fight the redhead. Seeing as neither of the girls noticed her presence, using the element of surprise would be the most appropriate method. This way Nobume may not need to fight the amanto at her full strength which would also reduce the chances of either of them being too severely injured. While her usual motto is to kill anything and everything, the conditions change when the yato is involved. Just a quick strike to a pressure point to render her unconscious should be enough.

However, any thought of battle is completely eradicated when Kagura turns around revealing a very _very_ swollen belly.

At first Nobume assumes her bloated stomach is merely a consequence of overeating - a habit the younger woman is notorious for. Perhaps all those calories are getting to her. Somewhere in the back of her mind the Vice Captain wonders if consuming too many donuts would lead to the same result.

But when the amanto gazes at her own stomach with softened eyes, caressing it with an uncharacteristic tenderness, Nobume realises that the truth is far more worrying.

You can get rid of fat, but getting rid of a child is not as simple.

She doesn't know whether to feel worried or delighted for the girl. While Kagura's expression screams euphoria, Nobume is certain that the future is bleak for the redhead. Although she has never been close enough to the Odd Jobs member to know much about her personal life, Nobume is quite certain that she doesn't have a significant other. Does she intend to raise the child by herself? Will the curly haired samurai have a hand in raising it?

Nobume stops herself from going on a tangent. Who is _she_ to get worked up over a child of someone who she can barely call a comrade? It has been a few years since they've last seen each other, things have definitely changed since then. They are different people now, _strangers_ almost.

That doesn't make it any easier to fight her.

No matter how many times she has done it, assassinating women and children never brings her joy, let alone a person whom she was once familiar with. Even if her mission doesn't require her to kill the amanto, Nobume knows that Kagura won't let her best friend be abducted without putting up a fight. While many would say that a woman who is expecting has a handicap, when it comes to battle it is this exact type of hormonal woman who excels.

Hell hath no fury like an angry pregnant woman.

"Soyo-chan! I have a surprise for you."

The princess skips towards the alien, not even sparing a glance at the new life forming in her best friend's womb. "What is it?"

Choosing not to comment on how oblivious the princess is, Nobume's face remains impassive as she watches Kagura grip the edge of her blouse with a mischievous grin on her face.

The assassin tilts her head, surely she isn't going to break the news to Soyo Hime like _that_? There are far better ways to tell someone you're pregnant than by literally showing them, even if they haven't realised it just by looking at you.

Apparently, Kagura thinks otherwise.

And so Nobume watches with baited breath as the Yato slowly lifts the hem of her shirt to reveal -

"OH MY GOSH Kagura-chan! You really did it! That's amazing!"

\- stacks upon stacks of Sukonbu.

"I promised you didn't I?" The redhead's stomach rapidly decreases in size as packets of pickled seaweed tumble out of her blouse. "I told you the next time we meet I'll bring 3 months worth of sukonbu."

As the girls munch away on their snacks Nobume eyes Kagura's now flat stomach, amused by her antics. Looks like time doesn't change everything.

* * *

Half an hour passes before the assassin makes her move.

It isn't that she needed thirty minutes to come up with a plan or summon the willpower to attack the people that were once almost friends to her. Rather, the curious girl in Nobume wanted to see how the remaining members of the Sisterhood Sadist Three spend their time together in her absence.

Watching them gossip about movie stars and listening to their ploys to murder the other Odd Job members ignites a feeling of nostalgia in the Vice Captain, despite her attempts to remove any personal feelings from the situation. She remembers a time where they used to walk around Kabuki-cho as a threesome, having picnics in the park and terrorising its occupants. Those were the days. A part of her is relieved to find that they haven't changed despite the passing of years.

Pushing herself off of the pillar she'd been leaning on, Nobume walks towards them. No use beating around the bush any longer. She won't be so disgraceful as to use a surprise attack on the Yato; the least she can do for her former friend is fight her head on: fair and square.

However someone else notices her first.

"We meet again." A familiar lazy drawl reaches her ears.

No visual is needed to confirm who is standing behind her. The image of them in a dungeon with him dangling donuts in her face flickers in her mind and she subdues the urge to glower.

"What are you doing here."

"I could ask you the same thing." The officer ambles into her range of sight, his unbothered demeanour mocking. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she notes his lack of uniform.

 _'Is he off duty or undercover?'_

"It's none of your business." Her response is curt.

"If you're planning anything don't bother."

Crimson meets crimson. Identical sadistic grins grace their faces and Nobume is reminded of how disgustingly similar their characters are. It's like looking into a mirror to see the gender-bent version of herself. While on any other day meeting her counterpart would be entertaining, today is not one of those days.

After all, since they're practically the same person he definitely knows what she's here for. Still, she'll take his bait just for the sake of it.

"What makes you think I'm planning anything?"

A sardonic chuckle leaves his lips. "You haven't seen them in years. Why visit now?"

That isn't the answer she expects and perhaps it shows in her silence. The poorly concealed bitterness in his tone throws her into confusion. Why is he so angry that she hasn't visited the palace? What concern is it of his in the first place?

"Are you keeping tabs on me?" Her attention shifts back to the unsuspecting girls. Absentmindedly she wraps a hand around the hilt of her katana.

"Don't kid yourself." He sighs, massaging his temples. "It's not you I'm keeping tabs on."

She doesn't ask who it is he's been stalking for so long. The question is a pointless one; as a police officer guarding royalty is an ordinary task.

Crimson eyes narrow in suspicion. _'Too ordinary for a first division captain.'_

"Why are you protecting her? Isn't this a job for your subordinates?"

A solemn expression adorns his features. "I protect what I want to protect."

Having no more words to spare the Vice Captain moves to unsheathe her sword, deciding that the time to strike has arrived. With her eyes trained on the Yorozuya girl she moves forward confident that this man will not stop her as long as she doesn't bring harm to Soyo-Hime.

The sudden pressure of his sword against her neck says otherwise.

She forces herself stay still, even when his blade nicks her skin and causes droplets of blood to spill out.

"Ara ara, didn't I tell you to stop whatever you were planning?" His shit-eating grin returns tenfold but they both know he isn't playing around anymore.

"There's no need to bother. I'm not going to hurt the princess."

To her surprise those words achieve the opposite effect to what was intended. Instead of backing off from the assassin and letting her carry out her mission Sougo steps closer, his presence growing more menacing with every second. She doesn't need to turn her head to confirm the stiffening of his form, she can feel the man tensing up beside her. As an assassin Nobume is more familiar with killing intent than most but to have it channeled towards her is something new entirely. Describing the gleam in his eyes as murderous would be an understatement.

He looks downright bloodthirsty.

"I don't give a _shit_ about the princess." Sougo snarls, applying more pressure to his sword.

Nobume winces, not at the deepening of the cut on her neck but at his sudden hostility. Even with her thick skin she can feel the acid in his words. She shifts her eyes, directing her stare to Sougo only to find his gaze trained on another.

Following his line of sight Nobume immediately realises she's misunderstood the situation the entire time. He isn't here for Soyo-hime.

"Eh?! Is that who I think it is?"

Kagura meets her eyes and for the first time in years Nobume becomes nervous. It's been too long since their last meeting and — based on Sougo's reaction to her sudden appearance — the Yorozuya girl can only hold a similar resentment for her. With the blade at her throat rendering her in no position to fight, Nobume slides her sword into its sheathe with little choice but to face the awkwardness of their reunion, steeling her nerves in anticipation. Killing people is much, _much_ easier than having a conversation with the two friends you deserted without so much as a farewell.

So when a silly grin paints itself over the amanto's features, she has no idea how to react. Cerulean orbs crinkle with glee, holding a warmth Nobume knows she doesn't deserve to bask in. She finds herself smiling back nonetheless. Bubbles of laughter break the tense atmosphere as Kagura bounds towards her long lost friend, waving her hands around in unrestrained excitement.

"Nobume-chan!"

Sougo removes his blade from Nobume's neck seconds before she gets the wind knocked out of her by Kagura's bone-crushing hug. Patting her back awkwardly, she looks past the mop of red to see a sheepish grin on Soyo's face as she gives her own little wave of acknowledgement.

Returning an uneasy smile of her own, Nobume's stare wanders to the Shinsengumi's first division captain. Gone is his ruthless expression, the enraged look in those crimson irises. Although his face maintains an impassive facade his eyes - glued to the woman in her arms - speak volumes, conveying more affection than words could ever hope to express.

"It's been so long," Kagura mumbles into her blouse, "I thought you forgot about us."

 _'Of course not'._ Nobume swallows, all too aware of the wet patch on her collar.

Sensing the floodgates to her best friend's melancholy on the verge of opening Soyo quickly intervenes, "She's here with us now so everything is okay, right Kagura-chan?"

Kagura rubs her face before standing up clumsily. With a hearty laugh she offers a hand to the Mimawarigumi officer, pulling her up from the ground.

"Nobume-chan, it's been a while since we mugged those people at the park. Shall we do it again, for old times' sake?"

"Oiii China," Okita interrupts before she can reply, a chipper quality resounding in his usually monotonous tone. "Don't drag other people into your criminal acts."

Kagura's focus shifts to the first division captain, cursing him with every swear word she's overheard the Yorozuya boss use while her male counterpart childishly eggs her on. The two engage in playful banter leaving Nobume and Soyo to walk together, observing their antics in companionable silence. Nobume watches the couple in front of her, noticing the faint upward twitch of the man's lips as he listens to the redhead rant about nothing in particular.

Imai Nobume and Okita Sougo share many things in common: a soft spot for the Yorozuya's China-girl is one of them.

* * *

"You failed your mission?"

"Hai." She kneels before her superior, lowering her head in a silent apology.

The older man sighs, "What happened."

Her mind runs a mile a minute. What should she tell him? That she had just narrowly escaped death herself? That she couldn't bear to cut down the girl who saw beyond the murderer she claims to be? That she chose to socialise with her target instead of carry out her mission?

What _excuse_ could she give that would suffice to explain her failure?

And so she replies Isaburou with silence, remaining as still as a statue in her submissive position. She internally laughs at the thought of her - a hardcore sadist - offering herself up for any punishment her chief bestows. It can't be helped. One must separate work from play after all.

Footsteps reverberate through the room, getting closer until they stop in front of the woman. With her head bowed all she sees is a pair of white boots. She closes her eyes, bracing herself for whatever is to come next. It is custom in the Mimawarigumi that failure to carry out a mission results in beheading. But since their officers are (as Isaburou puts it) "elite", failures are a rare find and such punishments are so rare that they are rumoured to be no more than mere myth.

She hears a rustle above her followed by the sound of fading footsteps and a door sliding shut.

Cautiously she opens her eyes. There in the place of Isaburou's white boots lies a box of donuts. Her hands impulsively reach for one to cram into her mouth as her brows furrow in confusion. He knows more than anyone how much she treasures her donuts. What did she do right today that induced him to reward her so handsomely?

She failed her mission…didn't she?

Shrugging off her confusion, Nobume focuses on savouring the life-enhancing flavours of her beloved dessert.

She'll ponder the oddities of her commander some other time.

* * *

 **If any of you are confused by this or any of my fics, do tell. I'd love to explain them.**

 **Thanks for your time!**

 **To read the Vietnamese translation for this lesson, copy and paste the link below (add the "https" part at the start and the ".-c-o-m-/" (without the dashes in between) after "wordpress") into your search bar:**

 **ngoaikhoibobiencuathienchua. wordpress 2016/07/08/fic-dich-to%CC%89ng-ho%CC%A3p-thirteenchrysanthemums-gintama-lesson-1234567/**

 **All credit for the translation goes to the lovely Ginoki!**


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